


tomorrow and the day after that

by nuuneyraegon



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Because I DO WHAT I WANT, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, au where akira stays in tokyo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 21:30:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20749061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nuuneyraegon/pseuds/nuuneyraegon
Summary: Two weeks after he comes back to Tokyo, Akira receives an incredibly cryptic text message from Ryuji. He tries to track his best friend down to ask what's going on, but finds out much more than he bargained for.





	tomorrow and the day after that

**Author's Note:**

> now with art!

Two weeks after he returned to Tokyo, at exactly 4:14 AM, Akira Kurusu’s phone let out a single ping from its spot next to him on the bed. Fast asleep, spread out underneath the covers with Morgana curled up at his feet, he had no way of knowing.

It was several hours later, when he was awake and dressed, and had idly grabbed for his cell phone on the way downstairs - it was a Sunday, after all, Akira was bound to have someone asking him to hang out - that he saw the single text notification on the top of his screen. It was extremely short, but that was the thing that made it stand out, especially considering who it had come from.

** _Ryuji: _ ** _ im sorry _

Akira blinked, staring at the screen, frozen mid-stride. He heard Morgana shift around, poking his head out of his bag, his voice slightly annoyed.

“Hey. You know, I_ let _ you sleep in this morning. You can’t just start getting this lazy when-”

“Ah.” Akira shook his head, trying his best to clear it. “Right. Let’s go down.” Even as he slid his phone into his pocket, making his way downstairs, the strange weight that the text had put on his shoulders refused to be lifted. He couldn’t remember what the context could have been, since his messages with Ryuji were frequent and relatively fast-paced. Maybe he’d accidentally said something insensitive and was apologizing for it? That seemed like the most likely explanation, but...he still had his doubts about that. Akira supposed he’d just have to check when he got downstairs.

He nodded when he heard Sojiro’s audible acknowledgement of the fact that he was finally awake, sliding into one of the vacant booths and pulling his phone out again. He tried his best to ignore the chatter of the customers around him, instead finding their DM and scrolling through the message history.

There was _ nothing. _ Nothing that would even remotely lead up to an apology, especially one that was sent that late at night. Akira knew Ryuji could stay up late, but looking back, most of their messages were sent around midnight at the latest. And what they had been talking about was completely inconsequential; that cool new game Ryuji saved up for for three months, several short WeTube clips accompanied by numerous crying laughing emojis, jokes about Morgana enjoying Meow Mix...looking back through them made Akira smile despite how stressed he currently felt. Ryuji was a funny, cool, and kindhearted person, and he couldn't even begin to imagine a better guy to be his best friend.

But that made his worry even worse. That sort of message was so out of character for him that Akira couldn’t help but wonder what was going on. He scrolled back down to the bottom, then typed out a response, tapping his foot on the floor as he did so.

** _Akira:_ ** _ Why are you apologizing? Did you kick me when you were sleeping or something? _

** _Akira: _ ** _ Seriously, though, whatever you did is okay. I’m not mad dude _

He locked his phone, sliding it back into his pocket. He half-expected Ryuji to be asleep, so it wasn’t as though he was expecting any kind of immediate response, but he decided to have his phone with him anyway in case he got one. 

“You’re not even eating, are you?” Morgana grumbled from inside the bag. “Look, can we go somewhere already? Trying to deal with you sitting around all day is like watching paint dry.”

Akira got up, but not before lightly elbowing the lump in the bag’s surface. “Rich, coming from the cat who’s always telling me to go to bed.”

“Shut up.” 

He did as he was told, hoisting his bag up onto his back and giving Sojiro a short wave as he pushed the cafe’s door open. Akira didn’t really know where he was going, but he figured that there were a lot of places within walking distance that he could sink some time into.

After all, he’d probably get a response soon. He’d have plenty of time to talk, just as soon as Ryuji got back to him.

But that never happened, and Akira found himself back in his bed, the lights out and Morgana snoring quietly on his chest before he knew it. The day had been a total waste, but that wasn’t the reason he didn’t feel tired. No, he knew for a fact that it was Ryuji’s message that was keeping him up, and now his lack of a response. He couldn’t have slept _ this _ long, right?

Or was there another reason he hadn’t responded? Did he just not want to talk, or was something more serious going on? Akira had never thought of himself as a clingy kind of person, but these sudden anxieties he was having made him realize that he had come to rely on Ryuji very heavily over the past year and a half. He was always the person he could talk to, even when Akira had been back in his hometown (even if that time had been rather brief due to him managing to convince his parents to let him go back). He cared about Ryuji very, very deeply, and this realization made his heart start pounding in his chest. 

Akira looked down, making sure that Morgana was absolutely asleep, then grabbed for his phone on the windowsill. He pulled whatever he could of the blanket up to his face, shielding the glow of the screen from the cat’s sight, then unlocked his phone and began to go through the messages again. Just double-checking, he said to himself. 

But as he had expected, there was nothing new whatsoever. Ryuji hadn’t even _ seen _ his messages, according to the history. A cold pit began to form in Akira’s stomach, but he forced himself not to dwell on it as he opened up the former Phantom Thieves’ group chat.

** _Akira:_ ** _ Hey has anyone heard from Ryuji today? I’m kind of worried about him. _

A “typing” icon appeared at the bottom of the screen almost as soon as he’d hit send.

** _Futaba:_ ** _ noooooope _

** _Ann:_ ** _ Wait youre awake? Im kinda surprised, dont you usually go to bed at like 9? _

** _Ann:_ ** _ And no, I didnt hear anything either _

** _Makoto:_ ** _ Did something happen? You’re right that he’s usually not this quiet. _

Akira went back to his DM with Ryuji, taking a screenshot before sending it to the group. There was a long, almost painfully drawn-out pause before his phone vibrated again with another response.

** _Makoto:_ ** _ Hmm. That’s rather vague, but I do understand where you’re coming from. It’s not like him to suddenly go quiet like this. _

** _Yusuke: _ ** _ Perhaps he is merely having problems with his phone, and is preemptively apologizing for his absence. _

** _Futaba: _ ** _ y would he kno he was having problems first tho _

** _Yusuke: _ ** _ He may have been experiencing some type of error. I am not an expert on this sort of technology myself, but I think such a thing is possible. _

** _Futaba:_ ** _ its possible but its not likely at all _

** _Ann: _ ** _ Akira how about we check on him at school tomorrow? If hes there, he can tell us whats going on. _

** _Haru: _ ** _ Good idea! I wish I could come with you, but I’m too busy at work. I hope everything goes well! _

** _Akira: _ ** _ Yeah, we’ll do that. _

** _Akira: _ ** _ Goodnight, I need to go to bed before Morgana eats me _

With that plan cemented in his mind, Akira locked his phone again and placed it back where it had lain. He closed his eyes, turning over and trying his hardest to fall asleep sooner rather than later. He needed to see Ryuji safe and sound as soon as he could.

School couldn’t come sooner. Every minute that he wasn’t at Shujin seemed to stretch on for a very long time, but when he arrived at the school gates, suddenly all of it felt like it hadn’t taken any time at all. Akira had looked through his phone over and over on the train, hoping that this time, he’d see a response, but he still pulled it out at the school gates, eyebrows furrowed as he scoured his messages for _ anything _ that could indicate what was going on.

“Hey. Did he say anything yet?” Akira felt a hand on his shoulder, turning around to see Ann behind him. He shook his head, sighing, and she pursed her lips. “Thought so. I’ve been trying to text him myself, and it’s the same here. I even offered to send him a picture of me in a bikini, and he didn’t even look at the text!”

Akira snorted, despite himself. “Is that something you’ve thought about doing before?”

“No!” Ann gave him a light punch to the shoulder, giggling too. “I mean, he’s cute and all, but I think if I actually did that he’d just explode. And then we’d have to clean up all the little bits.”

_ Cute, huh? _ Akira nodded. He could definitely see it, now that she mentioned it. There was something very endearing about him, almost puppyish. Just trying to envision how he’d probably react - he’d blush, probably stutter a little bit, but would have the biggest, dumbest grin on his face - made Akira a lot happier, suddenly. Yeah, Ann was definitely right. Ryuji was cute.

“Uh,” Ann said, nudging him gently, “Did your brain just stop there? You might wanna go get that checked.”

“Sorry.” Akira shook his head, stuffing his phone back into his pocket. “Got a little sidetracked. Let’s go find him.”

“Maybe you should try and calm down first. You _ are _ a little red right now…”

He decided to ignore that comment, instead starting off towards the school’s doors. Ann caught up with him a few seconds later, and the two of them followed a crowd of other students, side by side so as not to get separated from one another. A few hushed, whispered rumors drifted through the air as they walked down the hall, keeping an eye out for that familiar garish T-shirt and shock of blond hair, but they were both so used to that that it made no difference whatsoever.

It took a few minutes for Akira to spot him, hanging out near his locker and looking at something on his phone (it seemed to be some kind of webpage, which was surprisingly text-heavy). He prodded Ann, pointing towards his direction, and she nodded, following him over_ . _Ryuji was facing the wall and was obviously entirely distracted, which was evidenced by the fact that he hadn’t even noticed either of them approaching until they were right behind him.

Ann gently pushed Akira forward with an unspoken _ you talk to him, _and he weaved around a passing student to poke Ryuji right between his shoulder blades. Ryuji jumped, whirling around and hurriedly stuffing his phone into his pocket, looking as though Akira had just caught him doing something he wasn’t supposed to.

“Sup.” Akira casually raised his hand.

“D-dude...You don’t just do shit like that. I think I just lost a few years off my life.” He let out a tense kind of laugh, although it was entirely unconvincing. “You need something, or-?”

“Why did you get all quiet yesterday?” Ann stepped up, planting herself firmly right next to Ryuji. “There better not be something bad going on. Do we have somebody to go beat up?”

“No! No, nothin’s...it’s fine, okay? I’m fine. I just had a lot of stuff I had to do yesterday.” He held up his hands, like a small child caught sneaking cookies before dinner. “Sorry I didn’t say anythin’. You know me, guys, I get all distracted by stuff, and I guess this time I just forgot to check my phone.” His hands went back into his pockets. Akira raised an eyebrow, noticing that Ryuji was refusing to look directly at either of them. 

“If you say so.” He decided not to bring up the fact that Ryuji clearly had his phone on him, and had been checking it before he’d been interrupted. “As long as you’re doing okay, I guess it doesn’t matter that much.”

“Yeah, see? So it’s all okay. You don’t gotta worry about me.” 

It was clear to Akira that he was lying out his ass, but with nothing to base his suspicions on other than a hunch, there really wasn’t much he could do. It didn’t exactly help that a split-second later, the one-minute bell rang, making all three of them jump.

“Oh, shit.” Ann groaned. “I think we need to go.”

“Yeah.” Akira nodded at Ryuji, “You can always talk to me if you need to, man,” then turned and sped off to his class. Ann followed closely behind, and Ryuji was left there, leaning against his locker, his awkward grin fading once they were out of sight. 

He pulled out his phone again, opening up the page where he’d left off, and bit his lip as he started to read again.

**_Akira: _**_So he’s alive after all.__  
_ **_Akira: _**_Incredibly shifty, but alive_

** _Futaba: _ ** _ when is he not shifty tho _

** _Haru: _ ** _ Are you sure we should be talking about Ryuji like this when he is in this same group chat? _

** _Yusuke: _ ** _ I agree. _

** _Yusuke: _ ** _ He has always struck me as the shifty type. _

** _Ann: _ ** _ The important part is that hes pretty much fine. Like hes definitely hiding something but hes also not hurt at all, which is what akira was worried about. _

** _Akira: _ ** _ Worried? Me? _

** _Akira: _ ** _ I’m the calmest motherfucker this side of Yusuke. _

** _Makoto: _ ** _ Please try to be serious. You were obviously worried. Ann told me that you started blushing and sweating while you were looking through your phone this morning. _

** _Ann: _ ** _ Its true though. Its super obvious how much you care about him. _

** _Akira: _ ** _ Ann why are you calling me out like this _

** _Futaba: _ ** _ u guys r cuuuuteeeee _

** _Futaba: _ ** _ srsly _

** _Haru: _ ** _ I think you two should check on him again tomorrow. Even if he doesn’t want to talk, he’d probably appreciate the gesture. _

** _Ann: _ ** _ Sounds good to me! _

** _Akira: _ ** _ Okay. That’s a plan. _

Akira put his phone down, fully intending to go to sleep. But something inside him refused to let him lose consciousness, no matter how much time passed or which position he shifted into. He didn’t know what was bothering him this much, but he felt warm, so warm that he eventually gave up and tossed his blanket on the floor, ignoring Morgana’s protest at being suddenly awoken. Akira’s thoughts were racing. He kept thinking about what his friends said to him, and he had to admit that they had a point. 

He didn’t like it, but when he’d gotten that first text, he was _ scared. _It might have been an overreaction, but he was scared that something might have happened, that Ryuji might have been hurt - and just thinking about him in pain made Akira’s heart constrict painfully. 

Akira realized, as he was lying there with his face half-buried in his pillow, that he had wanted to do more that morning. He had wanted to touch Ryuji, to hold him, and sincerely ask whether he was okay. He had wanted to...embrace him. These thoughts weren’t exactly new, since he’d had a few rather sensual dreams about Ryuji in the past that had forced him out of bed and into a cold shower, but this was the first time that Akira really had time to examine them.

_ He was in love with him. _ When the words entered his brain, Akira mentally smacked himself for not realizing it sooner. Of _ course _ he was. He hadn’t had that many friends before, but even he knew that this wasn’t just a friendly kind of affection. He’d liked Ryuji ever since they’d helped each other in Kamoshida’s palace, over a year ago now, and he supposed he had started feeling this way about him not long afterwards. It certainly explained a lot.

Akira let out a low groan, carefully stretching out so as not to kick Morgana off the bed. These feelings were potent, but they were also irrelevant, at least for now. If he really loved Ryuji like he thought he did, he would swallow his pride and make sure that he was really okay, even if he had to force an answer out of him.

And with that internal declaration, he finally managed to drift off to sleep.

But that plan came to a screeching halt the next morning, when Ryuji was nowhere to be found. Akira and Ann both came early, meeting up at the gates and sticking closely enough to one another that Akira could have sworn that he’d overheard someone gossiping about the two of them being a couple. They waited by Ryuji’s locker for close to fifteen minutes, then hung outside the door of his class and peered inside, then made a futile attempt to get up to the roof in case he was there (the door was locked, as expected, and straining to see through the glass didn’t yield any results). By the time the two of them had exhausted every possible place he could be, classes were so close to starting that they had to make a mad dash back to the room in the hope that they’d only be a minute or two late.

Thankfully, Kawakami let them both off with a warning, even if the fact that the two of them had been late together lead to another brief round of snickers and hushed rumors. Akira doubted he would have cared much about a detention, though, because he found himself completely unable to focus as class started. 

_ What the hell, Ryuji? _ The hand holding his pencil was so tense that the lead snapped the second he put it to paper to write down some notes. _ What’s going on with you? _

“He might have just skipped school, you know.” Morgana poked his head out of Akira’s desk, eyes narrowed. “It wouldn’t surprise me if he did. He’s probably just goofing off right now.”

Akira felt a twitch in his brow at that, staying silent but noticing a sudden feeling of anger bubble up in his chest. It was a possibility, but hearing Morgana say something like that when he knew full well that there was something very wrong going on made Akira want to throw his desk across the room. He’d noticed it before, but that cat was so insensitive, and the present circumstances made that trait go from endearing to infuriating.

“Look,” Akira heard him whisper, “we can go check on him tonight. You know his address, right? Just go there and see him, then everything’ll be fine. You’re making a really scary face right now, and I don’t know if I like looking at it.” 

Morgana sounded a little hesitant, like he had realized that he’d said something wrong, and Akira let out a long breath that he had been holding. Morgana was just trying to help, even if he wasn’t going about it the best way. Tensions were all a little bit high, considering what was going on, and he supposed that some people weren’t as well-equipped to handle that sort of thing tactfully. Akira gave a quick nod, then looked back down at his paper and forced himself to write something down - even if he could barely think, he needed to look like he was doing _ something _ in class.

“You know, I think I just realized something,” Futaba chirped as she followed Akira down the street, still in her Kosei uniform. “Why is it that my place and your place are the only ones that everyone’s gone to before? Like, you’ve never been here either, right?”

He nodded, staring at the map on his phone. Technically, he’d been to the building before, that time with Ryuji and Mishima, but it was true that he’d never actually set foot inside the former’s apartment. He’d asked to before, but he remembered how evasive Ryuji had gotten those few times, which made him stop rather quickly. Since he’d only ever been to that building the one time, the directions hadn’t stuck with him, which made him more grateful than ever that GPS existed.

The walk thankfully wasn’t terribly long, and before he knew it Akira was standing in front of the concrete building, searching through the names on the mailboxes to try and find the exact apartment. Futaba stood on her tiptoes and peered over his shoulder, smushing her face into his neck just as his eyes passed over the one labeled 7B…”Sakamoto”. Perfect.

He started off towards the stairs without giving Futaba a chance to move, hearing her let out a yelp at the sudden lack of support. She caught up to him a second later, grabbing onto his arm and staring at him with huge, pathetic eyes as they both made their way up the steps, and despite how anxious he was currently feeling, Akira let the smallest of grins twitch across his face. He had been surprised when she had offered to come with him, but he found himself far more thankful than he thought he would be to have her support.

7B, despite its name, was only on the third floor - which Akira supposed was a good thing, because Futaba already looked like she was going to collapse by the time they made it up there. She was trying to get stronger, but it was clear that she was still having trouble with physical exertion in general, and Akira let her lean against the wall and catch her breath for a few moments while he walked down the balcony trying to find the apartment’s door. 

He wasn’t entirely sure what he was expecting, but he found himself surprised anyway as he approached the correctly labeled door. Even though he obviously couldn’t see much past the door and a small, curtained window next to it, it all just seemed so...clean. The only thing that made the apartment stand out was a small flower box directly under the window, with a few red and pink peonies sprouting from the soil, which made some part of Akira question whether he was really at the right house. 

Akira turned and gestured for Futaba to come over, then looked back at the flowers as she approached him, squeezing in between him and the door and trying to peer through the peephole.

“It looks kinda...dark in there.” Futaba placed her hands on the frame, standing on the very tips of her toes in order to see through the plexiglass. Akira cocked his head to the side.

“That’s because you’re not supposed to look in from the outside.”

“Well!” She twirled around on her toes, sliding over to the window and sticking her face as close as possible to the glass, trying to see through the crack in the curtains. “It looks dark here too. So it’s probably dark inside.”

“Good job. I think we have a new high-school detective.” Akira clapped for a few seconds, making Futaba puff up her cheeks and cross her arms indignantly. 

“As if you could do any better! The whole place is so closed off. You sure that he actually lives here?”

“I guess it’s true that this could just be someone with the same family name, but this _ is _ the correct building. I was on the floor below when we called that maid service.”

“You...what?” Futaba turned and stared at him with a faint dusting of pink on her cheeks. “Wh-why couldn’t I have seen that?! That sounds like it was kind of fu-”

There was the sudden sound of a latch opening from behind the door, and Futaba jumped, letting out a tiny “Eep!” and darting behind Akira. He set his hands in his pockets, trying to ignore the fact that it felt as though his circulation was getting cut off by how tightly her fingers were curled around his arm, and waited for the door to open. After what seemed like half an hour of standing there with Futaba burying her face in his back, the apartment door creaked slowly open, and a woman stepped out of the dark room behind her.

She was probably in her late thirties or forties, with a neat black bob cut and an inexpensive, slightly wrinkled pantsuit. There was a smile on her face, but she looked so deeply and profoundly tired that Akira was immediately struck with the urge to apologize for disturbing her. 

“Hello. I’m sorry for the wait, I just wasn’t expecting anyone today.” She bowed, then tucked the stray strands of hair behind her ear. “You look young. Are you high school students? I’m sorry, I really don’t have any money that I can give you.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Akira saw Futaba peer out from behind him, then immediately duck back into safety. He bowed, too, feeling her cling onto him without letting go.

“No, that’s not why we’re here.” He looked back towards the flowers, something about their arrangement catching his eye. One red flower sat in the corner of the bed, slightly droopy. The rest of the flowers, albeit loosely, were clustered together, a small, soft mass of warm colors, but the single peony lay by itself. “The thing is, we wanted to know if Ryuji-”

“Oh.” The sudden despondent note in the woman’s voice drew Akira’s eyes back to her. She was looking at the ground, hands clasped together at her waist. There was still a faint smile on her face, but it was obviously strained. “You’re his friend, right? And she is too?” 

“Yeah. That’s right.” At this, Akira pulled Futaba’s hand off of his arm, forcing her to let go of him before his arm fell off. “Is he home? He wasn’t at school today, and we just wanted to know if he was doing okay.” Futaba nodded in agreement from somewhere behind him, although he doubted that the woman could even see that.

“I’m afraid that he isn’t here.” She took a deep breath, before pushing the door open further and beckoning the two of them inside. “Come in. If you want to talk, I’d be glad to make some tea.”

Akira nodded and stepped inside, trying to ignore the fact that his chest felt heavier with each passing second. What was going _ on_? Why had Ryuji suddenly disappeared off the face of the earth like this? And, Akira realized, why did this woman look completely unsurprised? He kicked off his shoes, feeling Futaba silently creep up behind him to do the same, then made his way over to the kotatsu as he took in his surroundings.

The place was definitely small, but now that its owner had turned the lights on and he had gotten a good look at the inside, his doubts about Ryuji living there were gone. It was a little bit of a mess; there were tons of pictures and small trinkets scattered on every available flat surface, and from a glance, Akira could tell that most of those pictures had a grinning, black-haired kid as their primary focus. In some of them, he was absolutely tiny, but others looked as though they had been taken only a year or two ago, with a few showing that familiar bleached-blond hair that Akira had grown to adore. It may have sounded strange, but as he stood there mid-stride, looking at his best friend, his _ crush_, as a happy little kid with the world ahead of him, it felt as though his feelings were growing by the second. He only hoped that Ryuji wasn’t doing too badly in the present.

The two teenagers sat down at the kotatsu, Futaba curling into a ball and hugging her knees to her chest, as the woman, Ryuji’s mother, bustled around the kitchen, quietly humming to herself as she gathered a few cups for tea. Now that Akira could see her more clearly, in a well-lit room as opposed to a darkened balcony, he realized how obvious it was that she and Ryuji were related. She had the same eyes, the exact same warm brown with that little hint of passion behind them. Their faces were very different, but that was the one thing that tied them together, and it did it so clearly that Akira was surprised that he hadn’t seen it sooner.

Ryuji’s mother came back to the table a few minutes later, with a small, metal tray in her hands. She placed it down, letting Akira take a cup, then upon noticing how reluctant Futaba was to follow suit, pushed the tray gently in her direction.

“So,” Akira began after taking a sip (it was burning hot, he probably should have waited), “Why isn’t Ryuji here? Is everything okay at home, or…?”

“I don’t know.” She sighed, her face in her hands. “He does this sometimes. Whenever it gets too hard to deal with what’s going on, he leaves.” Then she looked back up at Akira, more outwardly drawn and tired than ever. “He’s told me a lot about you. Kurusu-kun, right? Then I assume he’s also told you about me? Or...our family, I guess.”

He nodded, deciding to just put the teacup down and deal with it later. Futaba hadn’t even touched hers, instead tracing patterns on the surface of the kotatsu with her fingertip. 

“Ever since he was young, when it got too hard at home, he would find somewhere else to stay if he could. I still don’t know where he went when that happened, but I never asked then, and I guess I can’t bring it up now, since he seems to have gotten past...him.” She took another shaking breath, dumping what looked like a handful of sugar cubes into her tea. “But even though _ he’s _ left for good, Ryuji kept disappearing whenever things got especially stressful here, or at school, or anywhere else. I thought he’d stopped, since all last year was fine, but he’s gone again now, and I...I don’t know what to do.” 

This was news to Akira. It seemed as though Ryuji’s mother could tell, since she reached over and placed her hand carefully on his. He glanced over to see how Futaba was doing - she was trying her hardest not to cry.

“I don’t know if I’m a bad mother for this.” It seemed as though just getting the words out was painful for her. “I just can’t ask him where he goes or what he does, because I’m so scared that I’ll upset him, b-but...I don’t know. I feel like I’m doing something wrong, because he’s already seventeen but he’s still just my baby at the same time, and I know that I need to let him be independent but I don’t know if he’s keeping himself safe, and...and...I just can’t figure out what to do!” 

“Do you know what’s going on with him? Why would he be doing this today?” He tried his best to keep his voice gentle, but it sounded more throaty and strained than anything else. “Did something happen here, or-?”

“No. I don’t think anything happened.” She pulled back, placing her hands back in her lap. “He’s just been avoiding me. He’s so focused on something and he won’t tell me what it is. Every time I ask what he’s looking at or what he’s writing he gets defensive, so I stopped asking. Then he...he just left. I woke up this morning and he wasn’t here.” 

She didn’t cry, but there was something in her voice that was so sad that it was beyond tears. For once, Akira was at a complete loss for words. What was he even supposed to say to that? What was he supposed to _do_?

The Phantom Thieves may have disbanded, but he was still considered their leader in a lot of ways. But now that he was faced with this sort of thing, a problem without any kind of clear solution or action to take, Akira realized that as a decision maker he was far from perfect. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what he was supposed to do to fix what was going on, and some part of him began to miss having the Metaverse on his side. When it was there, there were easy solutions to problems that were seemingly insurmountable.

Futaba, sitting next to him with her eyes focused on the floor, was living proof. Well, it might not have been_ easy _ to change her heart, per se, but it was so much simpler than any real-world solution that he could think of. He wished that he could just go to Mementos and find Ryuji and ask him what was going on and solve this problem himself, but that just wasn’t an option any more, and he found himself growing rather frustrated at that fact.

“I’m sorry for burdening you with this.” Ryuji’s mother picked up the tea, taking a long drink from it and setting it back down. “You’re both just kids, too. I wish that things were easier for you, for all of you.”

Akira nodded, pushing his glasses up on the bridge of his nose to try and distract her from the burning in his eyes. He took several slow, measured breaths, trying his hardest to stay calm, or at least outwardly so. Her words hurt, and he wished that they didn’t. 

“It’s just...I know that Ryu trusts you. He’s talked about you so much over the past year, and every time he did, his face would just light up. He’s so much happier than I’ve seen him in a really long time, and it’s all because of you.” 

Akira was happier, too. He had never remembered feeling genuinely content back in his hometown, surrounded by peers who ignored him and parents who were detached at best, but when he came to Tokyo and met Ryuji, it was as though a new color had entered his vision. Suddenly, he had someone at his side, and although he definitely loved and appreciated the many other people who would follow, Ryuji was the first, the one who was in his corner from day one. Akira had a suspicion that without him, he wouldn’t be anywhere close to where he was now. It was only fitting, he guessed, that he was the person he would end up falling for.

“You know him. You obviously know him very well. So…” Her voice broke, her hands trembling against the teacup in front of her. “Please. Please help him. I don’t want anything else, I just want to see him safe and happy again. I just need to know what’s wrong so that I can fix it! I’m sorry, I...I’m so sorry for asking for your help, but I don’t know what to do.”

_ Please help him. Please help me. _ How many times had he heard something like that? He had a sudden flash of a memory, of him and Ann in that restaurant, of Futaba jumping out of her closet, of the tens of thousands of requests on the Phan-Site, all crying out for help, and he found himself sitting up firm, a familiar kind of resolve filling his chest. Of course. 

“Of course I will. I don’t know what I need to do, but I’ll figure that out as soon as I can. I promise that everything will be okay.” He heard his own voice coming out of his mouth, sounding much clearer and more confident than he thought it would. Maybe he _ was _ still leader material after all. He saw Ryuji’s mother smile, a single tear trailing down her face, and with that, his heart was completely and irreversibly set. 

He would find some way to help Ryuji, no matter what. And then...once that was done, he’d find a way to tell him how he felt. Even if it changed their friendship, or even ruined it, he figured that he owed it to him to at least be honest. To let him know that there were people who cared about him far more than he could imagine.

Akira Kurusu was still a Phantom Thief at heart, and as he left the apartment with Futaba in tow, looking back to see Ryuji’s mother waving at them both with more tears leaking from her eyes, he supposed that would never change.

As he climbed up the stairs to his bedroom, Akira decided that he’d try to come up with some kind of plan before going to bed. Morgana was waiting for him, stretched out on his pillow, with a look on his face that suggested that he probably wouldn’t have that much time.

“So, how was it? He was home, right?” Morgana’s tail swished back and forth, and it looked as though he had no intention of giving up his spot any time soon. “You get that stuff taken care of?”

“No.” Akira sat down, grabbing a pad of paper and a pencil from one of his shelves. “I’m going to figure out what to do next. Don’t interrupt me.”

“Fine, whatever.” The cat yawned, rubbing his face against the pillow. “Don’t really care, anyway. Have fun.”

He decided not to respond to that, instead tapping his pencil’s eraser against the paper and trying to figure out what he should write down. If Ryuji came back to school the next day, he supposed his job would be a lot easier, but what if that didn’t happen? It was entirely possible, considering his absence today. He supposed that he could search for him, but Tokyo was huge, too huge for one person to cover in any kind of timely manner. Maybe it would be easier if he asked the rest of the group to help him, but he had no way of knowing what their schedules would be like. Especially since Makoto and Haru had graduated, it was likely that they’d be busy with college and helping run Okumura Foods respectively. And he wanted to help Ryuji sooner rather than later, considering that he seemed to be in a rather bad state. 

Akira sighed, leaning forward and resting his chin in his free hand, only to feel his cell phone vibrate in his pocket a split-second later. He fished it out, unlocking it and taking a look at the notification he’d received.

** _Futaba: _ ** _ sorry 4 not saying anythign _

** _Futaba: _ ** _ i j got reminded of mom and i got kinda sad _

** _Futaba: _ ** _ thx 4 being there _

** _Akira: _ ** _ Of course. Any time _

** _Futaba: _ ** _ im gonna help any way i can _

** _Futaba: _ ** _ i promise _

** _Akira:_ ** _ Thanks. That really means a lot. _

At least he had her to fall back on. Akira let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, scribbling down a simple “Futaba can help” on the paper in front of him.

Then it dawned on him. He hadn’t checked his messages with Ryuji in a while. Maybe there was a notification he had missed - he wouldn’t put it past his phone to do that. He opened up the DM, slightly hopeful, only to be met with the same screen that he’d burned into his memory over the last few days.

He supposed that it made sense. If Ryuji hadn’t responded when he’d felt alright enough to be at school, he doubted that he’d respond as his emotional state got worse. Still, he figured that he should probably send another message, even if Ryuji didn’t see it right away. He needed the reminder that Akira was there for him, and he’d probably thank him for it later.

** _Akira: _ ** _ Hey. Just checking in on you, bro. Hope you’re doing okay. I don’t know where you are or what’s going on, but please know that I’ve always got your back. If you need to talk, I’m here for you, no matter what happens. I promise. _

He was almost tempted to tell him how he felt right then and there, but knew that it would probably be a bad idea. Akira really didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, especially not at the moment, so he sent the message as is and put his phone down on his notebook.

He stared at the wall, trying to come up with something else he could do to try and help Ryuji, but a sudden shifting on his screen made him look back down. 

Under his message, there were a few, simple words.

_ Read 8:38 PM _

The next day was a blur. Looking back, Akira vaguely remembered a test, or quiz, or something, but he couldn’t even begin to recall what subject it was for or what it was about. He just sat there at his desk, watching the world move around him, surrounded by people who made words that he couldn’t quite hear, forcing his hand to move convincingly enough that it looked like he was paying attention. Ryuji still wasn’t at school, that much he remembered. He also knew that Ann was there, uncharacteristically quiet and reserved, and that he hadn’t even paid attention to anyone else. 

He only really woke up for the day on the train back home. Sojiro had asked him to pick up some groceries before he got there, and once he’d finished that he planned to go up to his room and really form a game plan this time. He was going to do whatever he could to get Ryuji back, everything else be damned. There was a spot of hope, the fact that Ryuji was still listening to him and looking at what he had to say, that lit an encouraging fire in his heart.

Akira sped through the store, in and out in ten minutes. Morgana had stayed fairly quiet the whole day, probably having picked up on Akira’s intense focus on the task at hand, and at this point he knew better than to mess with that kind of determination. They made their way back to Leblanc, Akira completely ignoring his surroundings and going entirely by muscle memory, subconsciously acting as if this was another one of their heists.

He felt...powerful, almost. Strong. He was Joker again, in his mind’s eye, even if in reality he was doing nothing more interesting than walking through the streets of Yongen-Jaya with a grocery bag slung over his arm. There was someone that needed help, _ his _ help, and he was going to oblige. 

He pushed open the door, setting his shopping bag down on the counter and passing Sojiro, who was currently sorting through the jars of coffee beans on the back wall. He intended to go upstairs immediately, but something stopped him. Akira couldn’t quite place what it was, but somehow, his surroundings seemed slightly different. He walked upstairs, setting his bag down on the ground and letting Morgana out, then stepped back down with his hands in his pockets and decided to check if he was just hallucinating or not.

Akira spotted it when he walked past one of the vacant booths. There was a tiny gap between the wall and the baseboard in that particular booth, which he’d known about for a while. He’d used it before, to stash things for later use, and so had the rest of his friends - Akira distinctly remembered the time that Haru had slipped a few 10,000 yen notes inside as thanks for a trip to the beach that he and Ann had decided to surprise her with. That wasn’t the interesting part, however.

The interesting part was that there was something _ inside_. A single, folded, slightly crumpled piece of paper. Without even thinking, Akira grabbed it, pulling it out of the hole and turning it over in his hands. It looked as though it had been torn from a notebook, and not very cleanly at that. 

He moved to open it up, but it dawned on him that if it had been stashed here as opposed to delivered openly to him, that there might be something sensitive about it. It’d probably be better if he looked at it upstairs, he decided. He tucked the paper into his pocket, grabbing a napkin from the table so that he wouldn’t look too suspicious and making his way back upstairs.

When he walked in, Morgana was curled up on the couch, looking thoroughly bored. Akira stepped over to his table, grabbing at a tin of dried fish treats and tossing one at Morgana, which he begrudgingly took. Then he sat down on the bed, slipping his shoes off and trying to get comfortable as he unfolded the paper.

A sudden, cold drop of sweat slid down his neck. He recognized the messy, cramped handwriting that filled the page the second he saw it. It looked as though it had been written quickly, with smears of graphite here and there, but it was still that same scrawl that he’d seen on crumpled up tests and cute little notes that he’d had slipped into his pocket in the hallways. It was unmistakably Ryuji’s.

Akira felt his heart pound in his chest. This hadn’t been there yesterday. He felt slightly apprehensive, not entirely sure what kind of thing he’d be reading, but forced himself to look at it anyway. He tried to keep himself calm, his breath steady, as he began from the top.

_ Hey man, _

_ I thought this’d be the best way to get this to you. I didn’t wanna mess with you, cause you’re busy and all, and...to be honest, I don’t know if you’d even wanna see my face right now cause of how I’ve been acting. _

_ This is just for you. I...was gonna just apologize over text a few days ago, but I thought that’d be a little too simple when you texted me back. I need to apologize more than just that for all the shit I put you guys through. And I like you, so, so much, and you deserve to know what’s going on. _

_ So I’m sorry. I screwed up. Over and over again, I kept screwing up, and no matter how many times you guys reminded me that I was being an idiot, I kept doing really dumb shit and honestly I don’t know why. I just put myself in your life when you had enough on your plate, and I know I shouldn’t have done that, but I was just too selfish to care. I’m an asshole, dude. _

_ There’s just...nothing for me anymore. My mom’s still struggling cause of everything I did with the track team, and that was the only thing I could even do right. My grades suck, I’m not good at much of anything, and it’s not like I can go back to being a Phantom Thief anymore. That was the only thing that made me feel like I was worth keeping around, but...guess I’ve kinda overstayed my welcome, huh? There ain’t really a place for someone like me. _

_ This is the last time I’m gonna bother you like this. You never give yourself enough credit, dude. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had and I don’t want you to feel sad for me. And I guess that’s why I’m writing this, so I can let you go. _

_ Thanks for everything you’ve done for me. You’re a damn fine leader, and I’m glad I was able to meet you, even if I just made things worse. You’re gonna be great, dude, no matter what you do. I think I can really rest easy knowing that you’re gonna have a good life, and I guess I’m just sad that I’m not gonna be around to see it. _

_ But I hope everything goes good, without me there to screw it all up again. Take care of the rest for me, Joker. _

_ Ryuji _

Akira’s heart stopped. _ What? _ He read through the letter again, and again, his hands growing more shaky and his breathing growing more irregular with each passing second. What the hell? What the _ hell?! _ What _ was _ this? 

“Hey, uh. You okay over there?” Morgana looked over at him with narrowed eyes. “You look like you’re about to lose it. Completely.”

He couldn’t respond. He couldn’t _ talk. _Suddenly, Akira felt as though he was drowning in his own blind panic. Th-this was...He knew what this was. He knew what this was, and he was furious at himself for not realizing it sooner, and heartbreakingly, desperately sad for Ryuji, and completely terrified all at once and he had no idea what he was supposed to do. How long ago had this even been written? Why hadn’t he done anything sooner? What if Ryuji was already…

No. _ No. _ He couldn’t think about that. He needed to do something, and he needed to do it _ now. _ But what the hell was he supposed to do? How was he even supposed to handle something like this?!

His answer came in the form of his notebook, still open on his desk, the pencil he had used to write in it clipped to its pages. “Futaba can help”. It was like a flash of light, a sudden voice from the heavens. Of course. Ryuji still had his cell phone on him, didn’t he? That was how he was able to read last night’s text in the first place! And that, combined with Futaba’s skills, and the fact that she had already put something on his phone…!

Before he knew what was going on, Akira had opened up a DM with Futaba, not even caring about the typos he was making as he sent her a message as quickly as he could.

** _Akira: _ ** _ Fuatba please help me _

** _Akira:_ ** _ Wjeres Ryuji _

** _Akira:_ ** _ You hackes hid phone right _

** _Akira: _ ** _ Please. Pleade _

He was half-expecting a crack about how he was stalking him, or a comment about how he should have thought of that sooner, but the message that popped up on his screen a second later was far from either of those.

** _Futaba: _ ** _ 1 moment _

** _Futaba: _ ** _ nihonbashi. his phone is off but thats his last location from 10 mins ago _

** _Futaba: _ ** _ y? whats going on? _

But he had already jumped to his feet, stuffing them into his shoes and completely ignoring Morgana’s questions as he ran full-tilt down the stairs and out the door of the cafe. His phone lay abandoned on the bed, pinging over and over again as a string of increasingly confused text messages reached it, none of which he even heard as he was sprinting as fast as he could down the street, already multiple blocks away in a matter of seconds. The confidence and resolve from earlier had been replaced by a blind desperation that surged through his veins, forcing him to keep moving no matter what.

_ Ryuji, please be okay. Please be okay. Please be okay. You have to be okay. _

Akira heard nothing but the thumping of his own heart and the rushing of blood in his ears. He ran for what seemed like an eternity, until his throat burned and his side pulsed with a stabbing, sharp pain and his muscles screamed for him to stop - and even then, he kept going. Taking the train hadn’t even crossed his mind, and in retrospect it probably would have been a better idea, but the only thing that filled his thoughts in his current state was Ryuji’s name, over and over again, like a prayer, and the inertia that kept him moving forward.

He skidded to a stop on the Nihonbashi bridge, clutching the railing and gasping for breath as a group of passersby shot him suspicious glances. The sun was already beginning to set, making it a little more difficult to discern what was around him, but with a deep, ragged breath Akira forced himself to keep looking. He backed up against the rail, scouring the crowds of people for any sign of bleached blond hair, growing increasingly frustrated and anxious when he was met with an ever-moving sea of strangers. He _ was _ around here, right? Or at the very least, he had been. Akira realized, with a cold feeling in his stomach, that there was every chance Ryuji could have moved somewhere else in the time it had taken him to get here, or even…

It wouldn’t do him any good to think about that. He would just have to keep looking. He dashed down the length of the bridge, scanning the surrounding streets and shops for any sign of his friend. He felt completely exhausted in every conceivable way, and as he glanced up at one of the expressways that stretched across the bridge like the rafters on a ceiling, he was expecting to find himself with another dead end.

But he stopped in his tracks, looking back up with wide eyes. Someone was leaning onto the guard rail, their arms crossed over it as they stared down into the water below, and Akira felt a sudden surge of adrenaline course through him as he made a mad dash down the bridge. He jumped up onto one of the light poles, barely registering the gasps of surprise around him. With another rush of willpower into his veins, he climbed up the pole as fast as he could, grabbing onto the rail and hoisting himself up onto the shoulder of the road, sticking the landing quite gracefully. Apparently he really _ had _ learned something lasting from being Joker.

Ryuji was right there in front of him, just standing there, holding onto the railing with his knuckles white. He was wearing a plain T-shirt and jeans, which looked like he hadn’t changed out of them in a while. He probably hadn’t even noticed Akira, judging by the completely blank expression on his face and his intense focus on the rushing water underneath him, and that fact scared him more than anything else. 

“Ryuji. Ryuji!” Akira rushed over towards him, reaching out and grabbing at his arm as firmly as he could without being rough. “Are you okay? You’re not hurt anywhere, are you?” 

Ryuji jolted, the light abruptly returning back to his eyes, and just _ stared _ at Akira for a few seconds. He tried to pull his arm back, which Akira let him, but not without taking a few more steps forward and looking at him with as much intensity as he could muster.

There was a long, painfully drawn out pause, during which the only sounds that could be heard were the surging of the water and the sounds from passing cars. They both just stared at one another, Ryuji’s eyes twitching back and forth to avoid making direct eye contact, until he suddenly trembled, placing his hand upon the rail for support.

“I...I ain’t hurt.” He stared down at the ground, looking far more like a small child afraid of being punished than anything else. Akira had never seen him like this, and he realized with a lurching feeling in his stomach that that fact was probably intentional.

“That’s good.” Akira swallowed, trying to keep himself from sounding too out of breath. “Your mom’s been really worried about you. And so has everyone else. Ann and I went looking for you at school a few days ago, and-”

“Why?”

Akira blinked. “What?”

“Wh-why did you do that? So you could tell me that I was bein’ an idiot again?” Ryuji’s breath was shallow, his chest shaking every time it rose and fell. “I know I’m a fuckin’ idiot, okay?! I _ know _!” 

“Ryuji-”

“You shouldn’t be here right now! Y-you weren’t supposed to come here!” He crossed his arms over his chest, as if protecting himself from something. “Sh-shit, is anyone else coming?”

“No. I’m the only one that’s here.” Carefully, gingerly, Akira approached him, placing his hand upon Ryuji’s, and when the other boy didn’t resist, moving to hold it. “And I think I _ was _ supposed to come here. Because, if I didn’t…” He trailed off, his eyes flickering back to the water that was several meters below. 

“I’m sorry,” Ryuji groaned. “I’m...I’m useless. I know I’m useless. I don’t need another person remindin’ me. I don’t need somebody else gettin’ mad and kickin’ my ass b-because I’m still here, I’m not outta the way yet.” 

“You’re not useless.” Akira shook his head, beginning to feel completely horrible. “Ryuji, you’re far from useless. What’s going on with you? What _ happened_?” 

“Nothing happened.” He looked down at his feet, idly kicking his bad leg. “It’s...it’s a buncha stuff that just kinda came out all at once.”

“You can tell me. I’ll listen.” 

“The hell is there to tell?” Ryuji’s hand began to shake as he stared harder at the pavement. “It’s all just shit you already know. I...I know nobody likes me. I know you guys would rather not have me around. Y-you’re just tryin’ to pity me, and I guess I should’ve realized it sooner or later.” He took another breath, squeezing his eyes shut. “I did nothin’ but make everything harder for all of you! I kept makin’ stupid choices, I kept screwin’ up over and over again, and I didn’t even do anything for the rest of the Phantom Thieves in return!” Then he lifted his head again, staring straight at Akira with the most distraught look that he had ever seen. “I started thinkin’...maybe I shoulda just died in Shido’s palace. I shoulda just done what everybody thought I did. Th-they were all so pissed at me, and I know they were disappointed that I was st-still around, and…”

His breath hitched, and Akira began to feel worse and worse with every passing second. He knew that wasn’t why the girls had gotten upset at Ryuji, all those months ago, but that didn’t matter. He had just _ watched_. He hadn’t stepped in or tried to do anything as they hurt him, just as he had been hurt before, and Akira realized that he had been a pretty awful friend in that moment. He’d convinced himself that a lot of the teasing was friendly, or at least not antagonistic in nature, but the more he revisited those memories, the more he realized that he’d been downright negligent. He opened his mouth to say something, but suddenly, Ryuji was speaking again, his voice strangely quiet.

“When I was a kid, I told my mom that I’d make her proud. I’d...I’d do something with my life, and I’d make all the stuff she had to go through with me worth it. Th-the thing is, I haven’t done _ shit _ to be proud of! I wrecked the track team, I can’t even run anymore, my grades are so bad that they keep talking about kickin’ me out, a-and even bein’ a Phantom Thief is over!” Ryuji took a huge gulp of air before continuing. “I’ve been nothin’ but a burden on her, on you guys, and all I do is cause problems for people. Wh-when was the last time I ever did anything right? There ain’t a reason for me to even be here! And...I thought that I sh-should just disappear. I should make everythin’ easier for everybody and get out of their lives for good.”

Akira was completely taken aback. He had absolutely no idea that Ryuji felt like this, and each horrible, destructive thought that was vocalized made him feel more and more like a nail was being hammered into his heart. But then again, the signs were always there, weren’t they? Ryuji had put himself in danger over and over again in the time that they’d known each other, and past-Akira thought that it didn’t run much deeper than heroism and a desire for justice. But now that he knew what he did, there was a much worse overtone that laced those memories, and Akira began to wonder if Ryuji had felt that way when he’d jumped in front of the taxi for Makoto, or when he’d willingly put himself in harm’s way to rescue the others as Shido’s palace sank. 

“I’m sorry,” Ryuji said again, his eyes slightly clouded over. “I know I can’t apologize enough for everything I screwed up. I know how selfish all of that sounded, a-and-”

“It didn’t,” Akira managed to choke out. “I don’t know how you’re even _ saying _ that. That’s the farthest thing from ‘selfish’ that I’ve ever heard.” Then he reached over, placing his other hand firmly on Ryuji’s shoulder, feeling his back heave with every inbreath. “Thank you for telling me. Thank you so much for _ trusting _ me. If anything, I’m the one who’s been selfish.”

“Dude-”

“It’s going to be okay.” Carefully, trying to keep his hands from shaking, Akira started rubbing small, soothing circles into Ryuji’s shoulder. “I know it’s hard, but these feelings aren’t going to last forever. You’re okay, you’re going to be okay.”

“H-how do you know that?!” Ryuji sniffled, and a few stray tears began to creep down his face. “There’s nothin’ ahead of me! I lived for the Phantom Thieves, and they’re...they’re gone now! I’d give anythin’ to get them back, to get that back, but I’m not that much of a goddamn idiot to think that life works like that! I can’t see a future for a screw-up like me. Th-there just _ isn’t _ one.” 

“You’re wrong,” Akira said, his voice coming out quiet but forceful enough to surprise even him. “You’re wrong, because I see a future for you. Do you want to know what I see?”

Ryuji opened his mouth, but Akira didn’t wait for a reply.

“I always saw you helping people. Even if you can’t run anymore, you’re still in really good shape, and I admire how dedicated you are to staying that way, no matter what challenges come your way. I think you’d be an amazing coach, or maybe a personal trainer. You’d work hard with the people around you, and you’d push them, but they’d still see your face and feel safe. I already feel that way when I’m around you, so it’s not much of a stretch.” Akira took a breath, deciding that Ryuji’s silence was an invitation to keep going. “You’ve always wanted to change the world, right? And you will. You’ll change the world of so many people just by being there for them, and by encouraging them and making sure that there’s a generation of athletes out there who know your name. You’ll be everything that Kamoshida _ wasn’t. _ And at the end of the day, you’ll be satisfied, you’ll come home happy, and you’ll have people who care about you waiting to spend time together.”

He looked up to see that Ryuji was crying harder now, his mouth trembling and tears streaming down his cheeks. Akira gave his hand a gentle squeeze, trying his best to smile, even though he felt a burning at the edges of his eyes.

“A-Akira,” Ryuji croaked. “Is there anythin’ else? P-please, what else do you see?”

“You’ll probably live somewhere close to home. I think you really like living in the city, so I don’t think you’ll move that far. But every so often, it’d be really nice to just take a trip and bask in all of the pretty rural areas, and come home with all kinds of cool souvenirs and gifts. I bet your mom would love to see you travelling, and I think you’d keep spending time with her and taking care of her as long as you could. And I know that everyone else’ll stay friends with you - you could treat Yusuke to some nice, high-quality beef bowls, see Ann after her modelling gigs, go out with Futaba and cause some nice havoc around the city...I’m sure even Morgana would like to see you every so often.”

“What about you?” Ryuji blurted out, sounding as though his verbal filter was completely gone. “Will you be there?”

Akira gave up trying not to cry. His vision blurred as he stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Ryuji and pulling him close. He could feel the other boy’s rapid, shaking breathing, the warmth of his body, and he held onto him as tightly as he could, never wanting to let him go.

“Of course. I’ll b-be there as long as I live. I’ll never leave your side, no matter what happens. Even if it gets hard for you, or anything bad happens, I promise that I’ll always be with you. Every day, I’ll wake up and I’ll think about how happy I am to have a friend like you, and how proud I am of you, and...and...we’ll laugh together, and be there for each other, and you’ll tell me everything you know about staying fit, and I’ll watch you talk and still feel that same admiration that I’ve always felt. I’ll be there with you through everything.”

There was a long pause, and then Ryuji completely broke down. He sobbed into Akira’s shoulder, desperately clutching the fabric of his blazer as though he were about to be swept away, his chest heaving with each breath he took. Akira held him securely, feeling the tears stream down his own face like water from a broken dam. They were already beginning to cloud his glasses, so he shut his eyes, focusing on nothing but the feeling of Ryuji’s body against his, the steady rhythm of his heart.

They stayed like that for a while, their arms wrapped around one another, until the sun had gone down and all their tears ran dry. When they finally pulled apart, Ryuji looked like a complete mess, his face red and blotchy and his eyes bloodshot, but Akira just grinned at him. Ryuji swallowed, and for the first time in what seemed like hours, he cracked a smile too - and Akira’s heart completely melted right then and there.

“I love you, Ryuji.” He didn’t even hesitate. “I’m definitely not the only one who does, but...I know for a fact that I’d be completely devastated if anything were to happen to you.” 

“I know, man,” Ryuji whimpered, reaching up to wipe his nose with the back of his hand. “Th-that means so much to me. Seriously, what the hell did I do to deserve you?”

“Saved my ass over and over again, that’s what. So I figured I’d do the same back,” Akira whispered, holding out his arm and cupping Ryuji’s cheek. “And I’d do it again, if I had to, because I know you would too. I’d do it as many times as it takes.”

Everything seemed to go in slow motion. Akira was suddenly aware of everything around him - the crickets chirping nearby, the idle conversations of the people below, the cars whooshing slowly past, one after the other. He heard all of the little noises that life had to offer, the sounds that painted a landscape around him, all accompanied by the hard, firm thrum of his heart as he leaned forward and kissed Ryuji gently.

For a second, Akira thought he’d made a bad decision when he felt Ryuji tense up against him, but a moment later there were shaky, calloused fingers winding into his hair and holding him close. Akira smiled internally, stroking Ryuji’s cheek with his thumb, and when they broke apart he was almost _ giddy. _

Ryuji, on the other hand, was completely flushed. He looked like his brain had just stopped working entirely, and it took a few seconds for him to realize that his hands were still firmly attached to the back of Akira’s head. Stammering, he pulled back, taking a few steps away, then grabbed onto the guard rail and let Akira’s shit-eating grin fully sink in.

“I told you. I love you.” He adjusted his glasses, which were on the verge of slipping off, then cleared his throat and tried to arrange his face into a more serious expression. “Thank you for letting me have that. Even if you never talk to me again.”

“Y-you..._ for real_?!” Ryuji looked as though he could be pushed over by a particularly strong gust of wind. “Akira, I th-thought that was just a friend thing! Like, not...that!”

“Sorry.” 

“N-no, it’s…” Ryuji covered his face, the blush almost showing through his hands. “Shit, dude, I didn’t think...I can’t effin’ talk. I d-didn’t think you’d ever actually like me like - I mean, the class star likin’ some crippled delinquent?”

“You’re already my best friend. I don’t see how that’s much of a stretch, actually.”

“Yeah, I...I know it’s not. I guess I just can’t believe you actually-” Ryuji made an indistinct sort of noise, tilting his head back towards the sky, then mumbled as quickly as possible, “Cause I’ve been thinkin’ about you too. L-like that.”

Despite himself, Akira blushed too. If he was being perfectly honest, he had suspected as much, but to hear it said out loud like that made his heart pound in his stomach. They both just stood there, their faces red, watching the cars going by. It was after a few moments had passed and some of the oxytocin had worn off that Ryuji broke the silence again, gesturing towards the road and leaning against the rail.

“You know,” he said, resting his good foot against the wall behind him, “I don’t think I was actually gonna do it. I thought I would, for the whole damn week. I kept readin’ things on the internet about how to die quickly, I didn’t think about anything else, I started writin’ a list for my mom of everything I wanted her to keep - but when I came up here, I just saw the cars. And the people walkin’ around down there. And I started thinkin’...” He teared up again, but blinked them back as best he could. “I started thinkin’ about everyone else. Like...what if Ann wants my help again when she’s workin’ out, and I’m not there to do that? Or if Haru does somethin’ really awesome with her company and I’m not there to see it? Or…” 

Then he turned back to face Akira, grabbing him and pulling him into another warm, enveloping hug, his voice breaking as he let the words fall from his mouth. 

“What if I’m not there for you? What if I never got to see you again? I skipped school, cause when you went to try and find me, I realized that I couldn’t look you in the eye if I was gonna kill myself, cause I didn’t wanna think about losin’ you!” Ryuji looked straight at him, his eyes travelling over every inch of his face. “I didn’t wanna think about never bein’ able to see you smile again. A-and I know how gay that sounds, but...fuck it, it _ is _ gay! I love you, dude!” 

Just saying that seemed like it had taken a huge weight off of Ryuji’s shoulders. He exhaled deeply and closed his eyes, letting Akira slip his arms around his waist, not even seeming to care about whoever might see. 

“Any reason to stay alive is a good one,” Akira murmured, resting his chin in the crook of Ryuji’s neck. “It just so happens that I _ really _ like this reason.”

“Yeah, yeah. I guess I’m kinda strokin’ your ego a bit, huh?” Ryuji gave him a little squeeze, the tired grin on his face almost audible. “Hey, no rush, but it’s gettin’ kinda cold, and after this...I think I wanna go home.”

Akira squeezed back. “Only if I get to come too.”

The walk back was a quiet one. It had become quite dark by the time they arrived at the apartment complex, and because of how hastily Ryuji had left home, he wasn’t dressed for the chilly nighttime weather at all. In fact, he hadn’t really prepared for anything, admitting sheepishly that leaving home the way he did had been more of an impulse than a decision. He hadn’t even eaten in close to two days, and as the two of them walked further he began to lean on Akira for support, trying his hardest not to blush when he felt Akira’s arm snake around his back. 

As much as he didn’t want to admit it, Akira could tell that Ryuji was scared to go home. He couldn’t exactly blame him, seeing as he had suddenly disappeared and probably worried his mother sick, and would have to tell her about what happened sooner or later. He would have to face her reaction to the fact that her own son tried to end his life, and he knew it, judging by the fact that the closer they got to his neighborhood, the less he talked. By the time they were at the building, Ryuji was completely silent, his arms wrapped around himself and his eyes focused intently on the ground. Akira had decided from the start that he would stay with him, but when he saw that he knew for a fact that he wouldn’t be going home any time soon.

He knocked on the door, gently pushing Ryuji forward since he had been lagging behind the entire way up the stairs. Ryuji gazed at the window, running his hand through his hair and messing it up even more.

“Oh, dude, I’m not ready for this.” 

Akira didn’t respond, stepping backwards and casually setting his hands in his pockets as the door creaked open. Ryuji’s mother stood on the other side, her hand flying up to her heart when she saw her son standing in front of her, completely disheveled and his eyes still slightly red. She dropped the piece of paper she had been carrying on the ground, then rushed over, and before he could do much more than blink she had pulled him into her arms and was crying into his shoulder.

Ryuji just stood there, frozen, his eyes flickering back to where Akira was standing on the edge of the balcony. He grinned at him, nodding once, and Ryuji took a deep breath as he clasped his arms tightly around his mom’s back. 

“M-Mom, I’m so sorry. I almost did somethin’...somethin’ really stupid…I’m really sorry!” He managed to get the words out, his voice shaking. A second later, his mother reached up and cupped his face with both hands, gazing at him through the tears that were flooding her eyes.

“I saw the note you wrote for me, and when I read it, I...I couldn’t think anymore. I couldn’t breathe. Y-you’re the most important person in the world to me, Ryu, and I can’t lose you too...I can’t, I _ can’t _!” Her mascara was running down her cheeks as she held him, cradling him like he was still a small child, even though she barely came up to his shoulder.

“I just...I f-felt like I was screwin’ everything up. Like I was n-nothin’ but a burden to you.” Ryuji tried to wipe the tears from his eyes, although more were taking their place with every second. “I’m so effin’ sorry, I’m makin’ you cry again-”

“No. No, no, no, no,” she whimpered, standing on the tips of her toes to kiss him on the forehead. “You’re not a burden to me. You were _ never _ a burden to me. You’re the reason that I didn’t just give up when he left, a-and I love you more than anything else in the world.” Her voice trembled every so often, but there was a soothing note to it, almost like a lullaby. Ryuji just sniffed, screwing his eyes shut and hugging his mother as tightly as he could.

Akira watched, resting his face in his hand and leaning against the railing. There was the tiniest pang of jealousy in his chest, since he couldn’t even remember the last time that his parents had paid him any attention in the first place, but it was drowned out by a calm, gentle kind of catharsis. Ryuji and his mother were both saying things to each other now that Akira couldn’t quite make out, tears flowing freely, and just seeing it made him so much happier than he could ever articulate.

The night was cold, and the smallest of chills ran up his spine as he waited on the balcony, but he found himself completely fine with it. He would wait as long as he had to.

“Dude. That’s your third bottle of water,” Akira noted, turning towards the door to see Ryuji quietly pushing it shut with another ice-cold drink in his hands. Ryuji shrugged, tossing himself back into his bed and twisting the cap off with a crack.

“I gotta stay hydrated. Especially ‘cause I just lost a shitload of water cryin’ like that.” He took a swig, then set the bottle down on the table in the middle of the room. “You sure you’re okay on the floor? I don’t mind lettin’ you have the bed.” 

Akira stretched, turning over on the pile of blankets that they’d scavenged from the apartment’s various closets and arranged into a makeshift futon. “Pass.”

“Okay, okay.” Groaning, Ryuji stretched too, his shoulder popping audibly. “I just feel bad, man. You didn’t have to stay over like this, and makin’ you sleep on the floor just kinda seems...bad.”

“Yeah, I didn’t have to.” He sat up, crossing his legs and leaning over towards the bed’s thin metal frame. “But here I am, and I say that I’m fine sleeping on the floor. Anyway, there’s already so much stuff scattered everywhere that it barely even feels like a floor anymore.”

“I’m gonna take that as a compliment,” Ryuji said, scratching the back of his head and trying not to look too hard at the numerous pieces of paper and articles of clothing that had been tossed haphazardly on almost every square inch of space. 

“Take it however you want.”

There was a brief pause, during which Ryuji took another few drinks and Akira lay back on his pallet, hands behind his head. The window had been opened to let a little bit of cool air in, since despite the weather, the room was almost sweltering without it. Akira could hear insects singing to each other outside, and for the first time in several days, he realized that he felt genuinely relaxed. His thoughts had been consumed with nothing but worry for Ryuji since the beginning of the week, and even though it was only Wednesday he felt as though that time had lasted for an eternity. He was still worried about Ryuji, a little bit, but it didn’t tear him apart inside as it had only a few hours ago - Ryuji was alive and relatively well, after all.

After he and his mother had both calmed down, a few hours ago, she’d invited Akira in for dinner, and he had watched as Ryuji scarfed down as much food as he possibly could. By the time he had cleaned close to four plates, he was soft and content and genuinely seemed to be enjoying himself (aside from the indigestion), which was a far cry from the side of him that Akira had seen only an hour or so before. Those negative, awful thoughts that had spilled from him like a tidal wave of poison were still sitting in the back of Akira’s head, their presence unwanted but necessary. Ryuji still wasn’t completely himself again, a little bit quieter, a little bit more contemplative, and although he had definitely improved Akira couldn’t help but think about how he was feeling. His mother had clearly felt the same way, and as the two of them went back to Ryuji’s room Akira remembered hearing her say something about therapy. He glanced back at the bed to see Ryuji lying on his stomach with his chin resting on his hands, idly kicking his bad leg against the mattress.

“You doing okay there?” 

“I dunno.” Ryuji let out a sigh. “I guess I just realized that I’m gonna have to face everybody else, too. I’m so tired already, and the only people I even talked to today were you and Mom. I’m gonna have to go back to school tomorrow, and explain why I was gone, and listen to all the shit they say to me again. I’m gonna have to talk to everybody else and tell ‘em why I was avoidin’ them...and I’m gonna have to tell them that I t-tried to kill myself, too.” He squeezed his eyes shut, burying his face into the sheets. “I know it’s good that I’m alive and everything, but it really doesn’t feel like that right now, you know?”

“I do.” Akira sat up, sliding over to the edge of the bed and resting his hand on Ryuji’s back. “I understand how you feel. It’s gonna be hard to see everyone again, after you tried your hardest not to, but you don’t have to worry about that tonight. I promise that I’ll stay with you as long as you need me. You said a while ago that my place here was by your side, remember?” He saw Ryuji nod, his face still stuffed into the space between his arms and the bed. “I couldn’t agree more with that. Just know that your place is with me, too.”

“Thanks,” Ryuji probably said (to be honest, his voice was muffled enough that Akira couldn’t entirely tell). Then he turned over onto his back, sitting up and scooting back against the wall. Akira climbed up onto the bed, too, and without a word set himself down next to him. Another brief, quiet moment passed before Ryuji almost spat out, “S-so, what _ are _we?”

“Huh?”

“I mean...you, like a bit ago…” Ryuji blushed, back to anxiously tapping his foot against the bed. “You kissed me. A-and...I don’t know if that was just a pity thing or what, but I can’t stop thinkin’ about it.” 

“Oh, that. It wasn’t a pity thing. Ryuji, I…” Akira inhaled, then let out a tiny laugh. “You really are just going to make me say it, aren’t you? I guess that’s what I have to do. I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for a year, and I guess I only realized it when I thought I was losing you. I _ wanted _to kiss you, and honestly? I still want to. Is that clear enough?”

“Yeah. Th-that’s pretty effin’ clear,” Ryuji mumbled, his face growing redder by the second. “I just wanted to make sure, ‘cause, y’know...I think I’m in love with you too. A-and, if we both like each other-”

“You want to date?” Akira glanced over at Ryuji, watching him almost choke on the bluntness of his question. “I’d...I’d love to, if that’s what you’re getting at. Seriously, I’m not just saying this. I want to be with you.”

Ryuji reached over and grabbed Akira’s hand, his palm slick with sweat. “Me too!” He almost shouted, exercising the bare minimum amount of restraint as always. He was completely flushed at that point, and there was something almost puppy-like in his eyes - and it was the cutest thing that Akira could even imagine.

“Huh. That was easier than I thought it would be,” he remarked to no one in particular, smiling and squeezing Ryuji’s hand firmly. “Then I hope I do a good job. Not just as your super best bro of all time, which I know that I absolutely excel at already-” Ryuji snorted, and Akira inched closer to him until he was practically on top of him. “-but as a boyfriend, too.”

When Akira leaned in to kiss Ryuji again, he realized just how different this was from the first time. There wasn’t a single ounce of tension or hesitation in Ryuji’s body, the way he almost immediately kissed back, his arms latched around Akira’s shoulders. Once again, Akira was aware of every little thing going on around him, but this time there weren’t any of the dark, desperate clouds that hung over all of his thoughts. He felt...content.

And, he realized, as he pulled back to see Ryuji with the happiest look on his face that he’d ever seen, that fact was perfect. Things had been far from simple ever since he’d come to Tokyo for the first time: the Metaverse and the nonstop heists and conflicts that stemmed from its presence, the hatred and vitriol that surrounded him wherever he went, the continuous arrivals and departures of both friends and enemies - and he had very little control over all of it. But now that he was sitting here, Ryuji in his arms, crickets chirping outside, a cool breeze blowing through the window, the lingering scent of the food they’d eaten wafting through the air, both of their hearts beating slowly, steadily, gently, he got the message. There would always be problems to deal with, but right now, everything was simple. Easy.

Before he had much more time to think about things, however, Ryuji drew him in for another kiss, and Akira let himself fall into the warmth and satisfaction without a moment of hesitation. He spent far too much time thinking, anyway. He was perfectly content to go without for a little while, and allow himself to sink as far as he could into the warmth of Ryuji’s body, the softness of his lips against his, the fact that they were both alive and together and right there by each other’s sides despite everything.

Akira was so drawn into the space he’d carved in reality, in which the two of them were the only beings that existed, that he completely failed to notice the sound of tapping against the window. It was only when a sharp squeak rang through the room, of the pane being pushed further open and the grinding of metal against metal, that his eyes snapped open to see Morgana standing on the sill with a phone in his mouth.

Akira broke away from Ryuji before the latter had any time to react, hurriedly extricating himself and getting to his feet (when had he gotten _ that _ tangled up in Ryuji’s body, anyway?). He cleared his throat, adjusting his glasses, and stepped over to the cat, who was staring at both of them, frozen mid-stride.

“Hi,” he said nonchalantly, prying his phone from Morgana’s grasp. Morgana’s eyes flickered up at him, then towards Ryuji, then back at him. His mouth opened and closed a few times, as if he was trying to talk, but no sound came out.

“Oh, goddamn it.” Ryuji had grabbed the nearest pillow, and looked like he was currently trying to smother himself with it. “Why the hell did he have to come here? Why the hell did he have to come here _ now _?!”

“For your information, I was sent here by Futaba!” Morgana hissed. “She rounded everyone up and made all of us come looking for you because _ he _ sent a few really weird messages to her-” He pointed towards Akira with the tip of his tail. “-And I’ve been scouring half the city trying to find you, so you’d better be grateful! Not to mention what I just had to watch.”

“Thanks for the phone.” Akira elected to ignore Morgana’s last remark, instead unlocking his phone and taking a look through the messages. Morgana rolled his eyes, but stayed silent and let him focus.

The first thing that caught his eye was the bubble in the corner of his messaging app’s icon. ** _99+._ ** That wasn’t entirely unexpected, considering how he’d left his phone, but it still made his heart jump into his throat. He’d completely forgotten about contacting everyone else, too focused on the fact that Ryuji was safe, and the fact that they were together.

He swallowed as he scrolled through the message notifications, reading text after text; some of them frantic, some of them more calm, but every single one of them concerned to come capacity.

** _Ann: _ ** _ Are you ok?? Please say something!!! Its been four hours! _

** _Haru: _ ** _ I went to Nihonbashi and Ryuji wasn’t there. I’m going to Shibuya next. I know you aren’t responding, but I’m trying my best to help, too. _

** _Yusuke: _ ** _ We are all looking for him. I hope that you are having better luck than we are. _

** _Sensei: _ ** _ I heard about what happened from Takamaki-san. I know he’s not my student, but I hope that Sakamoto-kun comes back safely. Please tell me when you have any more information. _

They went on for pages, and Akira stopped reading after the fourth or fifth. He was about to start responding to as many as he could, but an idea floated up to the surface of his mind as his finger hovered over his group chat. Maybe _ he _ shouldn’t be the one to respond. He turned around, hearing Morgana leap down from the windowsill onto the floor.

“Hey, Ryuji? You still have your phone, right?” 

Ryuji nodded, still flustered and grumbling into his pillow. “Yeah. Why?”

“I want you to turn it on.” 

“Kay?” He reached over towards the pair of jeans he’d been wearing, thrown carelessly on the floor, and pulled his phone from one of the pockets. Akira walked over to sit back down on the bed next to him, watching as Ryuji’s phone lit up on the home screen. Morgana jumped up onto Akira’s lap, peering at the screen just as Ryuji’s eyes shot wide open.

As expected, it was completely flooded with notifications, much like Akira’s. The key difference, though, was the content of most of the messages.

** _Futaba: _ ** _ i rlly hope ur ok...pls respond if u get this ok?? _

** _Makoto: _ ** _ We all care about you, Ryuji. I don’t know what’s going on, but you’re obviously in a bit of a crisis. Please know that you have all of us to fall back on if you need to. _

** _Yuuki: _ ** _ hey! everybody else told me that you disappeared, and i don’t know what’s going on, but i know that if anything bad is going on, you can handle it! you’re one of the phantom thieves, man! i believe in you!! :D _

** _Ann: _ ** _ No matter what were there for you. I know i dont understand whats going on fully but Im here to help. And again, bikini pics?? _

“Wh-what?” Ryuji kept scrolling, his phone vibrating in his hands and more messages popping up with each one he read. “The hell?”

“There we go. Nobody thinks you’re a burden, you know,” Akira said, leaning onto Ryuji’s shoulder. “Go on. I think they want to know how you’re doing. You don’t have to tell them everything, but-” Akira’s phone pinged before he had a chance to finish. He glanced over at the screen, to see:

** _Ryuji: _ ** _ hey guys _

And for that brief moment before both of their phones blew up, before they had to deal with everyone else and rejoin the world at large, the two of them just looked at each other before Akira burst out laughing at the circumstances he’d found himself in. Only Ryuji would send a text like that after disappearing off the face of the earth, and in those few seconds that stretched on for an eternity, Akira realized just how lucky he was to have this guy in his life. 

Akira yawned, stretching out across the small area of the mattress that he’d managed to claim. The pallet on the floor lay long-forgotten, since it turned out that both of them were perfectly content to share a bed - it was one of the first things they were doing as a couple, and that made it all the more wonderful. Ryuji had long since nodded off, sprawled out across the sheets and quietly snoring. He had stolen most of the blanket, but Akira figured that it was plenty warm already, and found himself smiling as he nuzzled into his boyfriend’s neck.

Boyfriend. He really liked the sound of that. He repeated it to himself a few more times, running his fingers slowly over Ryuji’s chest. So much had happened today, and judging by how late it felt, he wouldn’t have been surprised if he came to Shujin completely exhausted.

Then again, what _ was _ one more skipped day? He’d still managed to pass last year with flying colors after playing hooky for almost an entire month and landing a spot in juvenile hall, so why _ couldn’t _ the two of them take a little breather? Akira found himself planning the perfect day before he knew it, all the best places they could hit without looking overly suspicious, the games that the two of them still hadn’t played together, the kisses that he could steal whenever there was no one around…

They still had so much time together, and Akira squeezed him tighter when he realized it. He wasn’t a fool, he knew that nothing was perfect, but there was no sense in being pessimistic. The future was still bright, a web of endless possibilities and choices, and he knew for a fact that both of them had a place in it.

And with that declaration, Akira Kurusu slept soundly for the first time in days.

**Author's Note:**

> Bro, We Are Teens . Its Ok To Cry Around Me . Im Ur Best Friend . I Love You . ... Bro, We Are Kiss ing Now . . No Dont Stop Bro .. Bro ...


End file.
